More of You. Less Of Me

“More of You. Less of Me”

I felt this is what Daniel was practicing in his fast as I felt most challenged by this notion over a period of 21 days. Commiting to only consume water, grains, unsalted nuts, fruits, and vegetables, I could not turn to my old eating habits to cope. 

For example, after a long emotional day at work my go-to meal was a box of pizza, a pink marlote, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Tonight Dough." Not the most nutritious meal, but it had been feeding my emotions for some time.

However, during those 21 days I didn't have those choices.

(I choose not to act on those options)

I had to depend on another source as I was making a choice to lean in on God’s understanding of my circumstance instead of my own understanding. Challenged to channel inwards towards those emotions instead of eating or drinking them away. A fun, exhaustive, yet exhilarating experience. 

So to celebrate the end of a chapter in my first Blog post series, I thought I'd share how leaning into God’s love has changed a few parts of my life.

My Weight 

I knew from the start that I was not looking to lose weight during my fast. My intentions were solely spiritually based and I wanted to make that clear to myself. I had received a lot of feedback in regards to the weight and how much others had lost while on the diet. Which I feel is really great and if you’re looking to drop a few, a 21 day fast might be the one for you! I encourage it, however, for me it wasn’t at the top of my list. 

Yet, my intentions did not stop my body from doing what it was destined to do naturally. 

“Oh Girl, you just gon feed me nuts today?? Okay!”  *drops lbs. 

I put on a dress I've had for maybe 3 years. Super snug fit, hugging all my baby curves in the perfect places for my body and frame and the dress y’all was falling off of me! Granted, I’m relatively slim to begin with, an athletic built if you will. But the dress at this point felt like a brown paper bag on me. It didn't discourage me and I didnt run to the scale to see how much exactly I had shed. I simply kept it moving and thanked God for keeping me safe and healthy. Had I not been able to recognize myself, it might have been another problem. But I still felt like myself, had a little less junk in my trunk but still felt like I was still approachable. At the end of the day, that’s all that mattered. Again, it was about spiritual growth for me not weight loss. I might have looked hungry but Sis, I was so fed!! :) 

My Hair

During the fast I kept my hair in a protective style. This was extremely helpful as it was one less thing I felt I needed to worry about during the week. When the last few days approached I grew more excited about taking the hair down, anxious to see how much my locks had grown. 

And to my surprise, I had gained three inches! To someone with my hair texture, any extra added length is a win! I definitely believe it was a combination of the amount of water I consumed and simply just leaving my hair alone that helped it grow and flourish. When I do another 21 day, I might pay more attention to my weight and hair. Taking before and after pictures to really examine the changes. But regardless, growth is growth. And my course chocolate locks loved the fast.  

My Skin  

This took me by surprise because ‘you are what you eat’ and when I took away the pizza, ice cream, and wine, my skin was like...

“Noooooo! Bring it back!!”

And totally like spit on the ground in displise of my decision. Im serious, not even trying to be dramatic. My skin flared up!

The usual bullshit they call “adult acne” happened but this time the flare had brought friends so I found small groups of acne around my temples, my cheek bones, and bit on my forehead. I had thought, 

“Oh, Flow (my menstrual) must be in town and this is just her extra baggage.” 

And sure enough, she arrived within the first few days of the fast. Which was great to track because now, in my most emotional state I learned that I am an emotional eater. Eating to cope with the turn of events and choosing to turn to food to comfort those emotions and anxieties I would feel.

Like I mentioned before, heading back home from a long day of work and the emotional turmoil faced while working with other’s emotions, I would cope with everything with a stop to Little Caesars and H.E.B for my icecream and wine. Mmm, my heart would jump out of its seat to know what was about to go down on my patio in 15 minutes. However, as harmless as it may seem in the moment, the pattern of behavior became very toxic especially because my problems wouldn’t be left in the empty pint of ice cream. They stayed with me as I shamed myself for over indulging and not pacing myself.

Therefore, when nights like that emerged during my 21 day fast, I would have no choice but to return home empty handed and face them. When this would happen, I  would put on my comfy pants, turn on my oil lamp, play soft nature sounds and meditate. Using my mindfulness skills and a little mood light, I would pray.

I prayed, I cried, I journaled about all the emotions then pray some more. The whole process wouldn't be but 20 to 30 minutes. About the same time it would take me to devour an unhealthy meal, but I felt so much lighter after one of these sessions. My eyes would clear up, I’d be in thanksgiving about my behavior and healthier choice

And I would remoninse about the intimate time I just spent with Jesus. 

My Smile 

When I told people I was fasting, their next question was

 “But why? What for? What are you fasting from?” 

My answer would be something along the lines of:

“Oh I’m no longer accepting meats, processed sugars, caffeine, and bullshit.”

Their eyes would enlarge and they chuckle a nervous smile before walking away with a “Oh that’s cool...”

And I think this conversation tickled me the most because “bull shit” isn't something that is mentioned within the pages searched under “How to Daniel Fast” but I feel that it comes with the territory of what it looks like to remove toxic and processed things from being consumed by you. As I reflect, I look back at the old conversations I would get myself entertwined in and how once the conversation was finished I wouldn't feel any better. I would be left with the heavy mucky weight of whatever crap was said in the conversation, unable to shake it off in an appropriate manner. Spreading the toxicity by continuing the gossip with someone else before choosing to dismiss the negativity all together. 

I wonder how often this happens throughout our days. If we could see the gossip and unhelpful/unhealthy conversations like a green gas clouding around like we do in the spreading germ commercials. Where you can see the nasty green fog travel from one thing to the next. Spreading as it comes in contact with more and more things along the way. Would we still choose to engage in the toxicity of negative and hurtful conversations if we could see it? Would we choose to filter and sanitize it before passing the green gas to someone else, interrupting their state? 

So within the fast, I made a choice to smile more. Smiling can be just as intoxicating if not more than a frown or ugly comment. And on the days when I struggled to smile, I chose to escape into my work, a good book, or an inspirational video until I was able to come out of the gloom I found myself in so that I’m 

1) taking care of myself and my emotions on my time and 

2) doing it in ways that don’t harm myself or others around me. Discontinuing the spread of the green gas of negativity around me.

So there we have it. My first blog post series *screams a litte

I had so much fun creating it and challenging myself to get them done in a timely manner. 

I hope you enjoyed this series as I chatted about a few of the things I have faced in the last few months. A few of my friends have reached out with love and encouragement and I love them for that. I know its a super small community at this moment but if any of you have any feedback please, please share :) 

I have big, big plans for this space. I understand it won't happen overnight and it wont go perfectly without a hitch, but I am encouraged by the process. Both good and bad. 

Stay tuned for more. 

Sincerely, 

Simone